A Simplified Guide to the Ontario Provincial Election 2011

Conservatives – Assholes
Composed of rich assholes, fundamentalist assholes and bigoted assholes.

 

Liberals – Entitled
Composed of rich assholes too chicken to be Conservatives, Catholics, and middle managers.

 

New Democrats – Emos
Composed of assholes too poor to be Liberals, the five remaining middle class families, and the last two union leaders.

 

Greens – Naive 
Composed of the terminally unique, the magical thinkers, and those too disorganized to join the NDP.

 

All others – Insane
Composed of anti-social cultists following assholes with delusions of relevance.

 

This is the most accessible election in Canadian history. Please get involved. Vote Early. Vote Often. Elections Ontario

 

Connecting Dots?

Several months ago Host Co. of the Pan Am Games gave the Hamilton Tiger Cats $100 million to build a new stadium provided Hamilton kicked in another $50 million. The Pan Am $100 million was supposed to go towards a Pan Am Athletics Stadium. This deal was brokered by the newly minted Mayor Bratina. There will be no athletics in the Ti Cats Stadium. The monies supplied by Hamilton helped drain its Future Fund. A private entertainment complex does not meet any of the Future Fund’s criteria. It was hard to understand how a both sources of cash for the Ti Cat stadium came from sources that should not to go towards such a project. A few months later, without consulting the elected council,  Mayor Bratina announced that Hamilton will pursue all day GO Service instead of LRT, and disbanded the LRT workgroup.  This allowed our Premiere to state the following:

“That was the No. 1 ask of the city,” McGuinty said. “We’ve had some important conversations with the mayor, and this is their priority. Which made it our priority. Over time, we can enter into other discussions about things like the LRT.” Link

So now instead of fulfilling a $1000 million promise of paying Hamilton’s rapid transit bill, Hamilton will instead get $7 million in funding for GO Train service. It gave the provincial government an easy out from a billion dollar promise to Hamilton. Metrolinx recommended the Hamilton LRT, earmarked $850 million for it, and is presently shovel in ground for $9500 million in rapid transit development in Toronto.

Would a mayor actually betray his own city so completely just to get his beloved Tiger Cats a stadium? I don’t know but he used to work for the Tiger Cats. I  still don’t know, but  he is publicly endorsing the provincial candidates who’s butts he saved…. Link

Risk For Real

This picture totally reminds me of playing the game Risk. I recall we altered the game so that aliens randomly attacked countries. Eventually the aliens became so powerful that  all us Imperialistic nations of Risk had to band together to fight the green horde. Since we had weakened each other so much before the aliens arrived, every country, and eventually the world succumbed to the alien onslaught. I think there is a lesson to be learned here.

Endless Discrediting to the point of absurdity.

Zeller’s Targetted

Zellers has been bought by Target. This worries me because I have fallen in lunch with the gravy chicken sandwich. There is no better lunch than being by slow moving old people and gnoshing on gravy slathered chicken.

Dear Target, please don’t take away my chicken sandwich.

It is also important that we learn the proper pronunciation of the word Target when shopping.

Thanks to Michael Batts and comedy.com.

I Is Different Then Him

Dear pardons and waivers Canada it is not likely I will  even look at your site because you cannot even bother to proof read your advert. It is ‘different than’ not ‘different then.’ Lawyers or paralegals that lack this kind of attention to detail are not going to be looking after my pardon. Otherwise I agree that a guy with a tattooed face and a criminal record is no different than me at all.

While I am at it. Bucket list Hamilton should be called F*cket list Hamilton. None of the images ever relate to Hamilton, except for this picture of a carp from Cootes Paradise.